Hermione Granger and the Invaders of Doom
by Amanita Jackson
Summary: Hermione is startled to find things in the castle. They snog Slytherins in corridors and, more alarmingly, claim to be her! Dumbledore, ever insane, is of little help. It's up to Hermione to save the castle from these creepy creatures. R&R.


This shall be a chapter story which I promise on pain of pain I shall actually eventually finish!

Dedicated to Squibakou for pointing out that I do a rather lot of Hermione bashing.

Actually, I rather like Hermione. Resourceful, lovely girl. I just hate it when she's warped to the point of being a Mary-Sue in canon clothing. It annoys me. Also, all the boys I've seen her put with (Draco, Blaise, Theodore, Harry, Ron, Viktor) either make no sense or (mainly) are already in another pairing I like better. Quite simply, I would be irritated at any character besides the one/s I wanted them with. Which I suppose is unfair on her. So I shall simply tweak things a little and thus I give you: The Pro-Hermione Fic, As Written By Amantia Jackson!

* * *

Hermione strolled down the corridor after a lovely breakfast of cinnamon bun, yogurt, and raspberry tea. It was the first day of term after Christmas break. She had about a half hour before classes started, she calculated, so she should be able to get today's Charms assignment done. That way, she'd be totally free this evening. He'd said they could go somewhere together… 

She rounded the final corner to the library and could do nothing but gape at the awful tableau that met her shocked eyes.

She saw herself passionately kissing Theodore Nott.

"…" Hermione said, clutching her chest. After a moment, she shook her head and, being a sensible, logical woman marched up to the two.

"Can I borrow this?" she asked. She didn't wait for an answer as she forcefully separated the not-Hermione from Nott. Holding the creature by the arm, she glared at Theodore (who was looking rather confused). She softened a little.

"Just…just go to class, alright?" she ordered pleadingly. He gulped, nodded, and was off like a shot.

"Right. You," she growled, turning to the not-Hermione, "are going to tell me what's going on. Now. Why do you look like me? Are you using Polyjuice?"

"I beg pardon!" the thing said, drawing itself up. "I am Hermione Granger. Who are _you_?"

"Tell me who you are, or we're going to see Professor Dumbledore," Hermione told it levelly. It fluffed its hair in alarm.

"You can't! I'm _Hermione_, I _can't_ miss a class!" it shrieked.

"I know for a fact that I don't shriek like that and I also know that I _do_ skip class when something is more important. And I do believe that having someone insist they're me is more important than History of Magic. Let's go see Professor Dumbledore," Hermione told it, frowning.

She grabbed it by the arm slightly harder than necessary and marched it to Dumbledore's office.

They were just off one of the moving stairways when they came across another not-Hermione in an alcove with Blaise. Blaise ran to class, embarrassed, and the second not-Hermione was snatched by the arm and brought along.

The same thing happened by a statue of Fynn the Favored with yet another not-Hermione and Malfoy. Malfoy was sent off with a smack for being cheeky. Hermione decided that it would be best to put a Full Body Bind on the…creatures and levitate them the rest of the way.

"Honestly," Hermione grumbled under her breath. "What is it with these _things_ and Slytherins?"

They made it to Dumbledore's without further incident. Hermione stopped awkwardly by the gargoyle statue; she had no idea what the password was.

"Don't know what the password is? How stupid!" laughed one of the not-Hermiones. She hexed it, almost absentmindedly, without looking up from the gargoyle. 'It's worth a try,' she mused.

"Excuse me? Gargoyle? What's the password?" Hermione asked politely.

The gargoyle gave a cackle and slapped his knee.

"You know that's the first time someone's tried that? Go on in," he laughed, waving Hermione and her captives through. "Asking…eheh heh heh!" Hermione could hear his wheezy chuckle behind her as she climbed the stairs.

She rapped on the door, somewhat nervous.

"Come in, come in. Pray, don't disturb my circles," Dumbledore called.

"Er…Professor? Those are squares."

The brightly colored squares painted on the floor began to sob and wail.

"And I almost had them convinced they were triangles! Ah well. Anyway, what seems to be the matter, young lady?" Dumbledore vanished the crying 'circles'.

"Well, sir, I found these…people. They all claim to be me and won't admit to using Polyjuice or any other spell or potion. Er. What do I do, sir? And what are they?" she asked.

"Bring one over here," Dumbledore instructed, putting on a strange pair of glasses with purple lenses. He inspected the back of its neck, brushing aside the mass of brown hair. He then peered carefully into its eyes. Lastly, he checked the pulse in its neck and wrist at the same time.

"Just as I suspected," he said gravely, putting the glasses down. He shook his head. "Most unfortunate. Most unfortunate." He looked up. "Do you have any idea what you have caught?"

"No…"

"Good. These are very scary creatures. You recall that unfortunate business with all those Mary-Sues just before Christmas? Well, these are just like Mary-Sues, but they take on the form of a real person. Thus they are even more dangerous. Tell me, where did you find them?"

Hermione blushed. "Er, they were snogging…"

"Just as I suspected," he said gravely, putting the glasses down. He shook his head. "Most unfortunate. Most unfortunate." He looked up. "Do you have any idea what you have caught?"

"Sir? You already said that."

"So I did, so I did."

"Do you have any advice, then?"

"Form a posse. Round up the durn thangs and git'm out've owr town!"Dumbledore exclaimed.

"Professor…? I think maybe you should stop watching so many Muggle movies…" Hermione said carefully.

After ten more minutes of rambling interspersed with Pirates of the Caribbean quotes and helpful advice, Hermione left the creatures in Dumbledore's office and went back to class. This did not sound good. Sadly, Dumbledore had explained that she and Ginny would probably have the most not-thems running around, so it was up to them to take care of this. She made a mental note to tell Ginny as soon as she could, to warn the boys and to tell them to get the Marauder's Map as soon as they could. She rushed to History of Magic. She could accomplish two-thirds of her list there.

They needed a plan, she decided, as Professor Binns droned on. Hermione was pleased to discover that she already had a half-formed plan in mind. She just needed some more time to plan, Ginny, a few items and the help of the House Elves.

She nodded to herself. This could work. After all, it was just another type of Mary-Sue, wasn't it? Hermione had been the mastermind when they'd faced the Mary-Sues in the fall. She could do it again, right?

Right?

* * *

Lovely, eh? I do hope so. In any case, I shall give me few deadlines because they scare me. However, I promise to have at least one more chapter up by this coming Sunday evening (midnight) at the very, very latest. 


End file.
